Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus

I still remember when I popped the question about Santa to my mom in the kitchen, circa 1967. Ever the schoolteacher, she didn’t look up from drying the dishes and asked me a question back: “Well, what do you think?” I remember giving some know-it-all answer about how flying reindeer were clearly ridiculous–but maybe it was Mr. McClain, who lived down the street. That’s when she dried her hands and led me to the files where she kept her lesson plans, and pulled out an aged piece of paper that she had ripped out of a magazine before I was born–saving it for precisely this moment. The fact that she did that amazes me. The fact that she could find it after all those years, at precisely the moment she wanted it, bowls me over.

She took me into the living room and we both sat down on the floor by the Christmas tree. Here is the piece of paper she proceeded to read to me. “Yes, Virginia,” my mother began. “There is a Santa Claus.” And I sat in rapt attention, taking in that first long step into the adult world, where people know that Christmas is not about less than they thought, but about infinitely more. Among other things, it’s a world where people understand–theoretically–that Christmas is not primarily about them.

Somehow, I heard Francis Church’s 1897 letter to eight-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon as an affirmation that the idea of “Santa” was far more than the man I had made him out to be. I didn’t feel lied to; I felt honored, invited into an unseen world of faith and generosity where adults like my mom and Francis Church and now Virginia apparently lived. I left that conversation quite convinced that Santa was real, if different–and convinced that I now got to be in on a great, glorious conspiracy to surprise the world with grace.

I loved being a part of that. I still do. I know that some people have far worse reactions to the news about Santa; I heard a story on NPR today about a family that kept the Santa myth going even as their kids became teenagers and adults, going to huge lengths to convey the “magic” of Santa, until finally their youngest child–in junior high at the time–blew the whistle. His mom, recounting the story, cried; the truth punctured the “magic.”

It made me wonder about how Christians tell the truth about Christmas: do we tell it as a magical story, a superhero origin myth like “Batman Begins”? Or do we tell the truth–that God came to dwell among us as a kid growing up on the poor side of town? Does the truth  spoil the “magic” of Christmas, or does it make Christmas about even more than we can fathom, this baby-in-a-manger story, this God-among-us business challenging what our technically-obsessed culture counts as “real”? As Francis Church, the New York Sun editor, told Virginia: “Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can …view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.”

There was a December day about fifteen years ago when my own seven-year-old got off the bus, stormed into the house, looked me in the eye and demanded: “Matt says there is no Santa. I want the truth, and I want it now!”  Safe to say I lack my mother’s organizational genius; this was pre-internet, and I didn’t even try to find the Francis Church letter my mom read to me.

But years earlier I had tucked away a book, intended for this moment, and by what can only be called the grace of God, it was still in the closet. So Brendan and I sat on the floor by the Christmas tree and read the story of St. Nicholas, Bishop of Myra around the fourth century. Unlike most saints, who become famous for their miracles, Nicholas was originally known only for his kindness and generosity. One story circulated above all others: when the Bishop of Myra learned that three desperately poor sisters were unable to marry (and therefore doomed to lives as beggars) because they had no dowry, he decided to do something about it.

So Nicholas secretly gathered enough gold to fill a bag, rode by the family’s home one night and threw the gold through the window. He then set about collecting gold for the second sister’s dowry–and on another midnight ride, he tossed the bag of gold down the chimney (legend has it that some coins landed in the girl’s stocking, hanging from the mantel to dry).

Finally, when Nicholas had gathered enough gold for the third daughter, he made another secret midnight visit–but this time the girls’ father was waiting for him, eager to know the identity of their benefactor. Nicholas made the father promise not to share his true identity–and the secret of Santa began (obviously not a well-kept secret, but still…)

And so Sinterklaas (as the Dutch came to call Saint Nicholas) was not a superhero, but a saint–a man whose generosity and compassion reflected Christ so clearly that people called him holy. So yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus–not because of the magic of Christmas or even the glad heart of childhood, but because through people like St. Nicholas, and like my mom, and even like you, Virginia, Christ dwells among us, “making all things new” (Rev. 21).

Merry Christmas!

Posted in Random Thoughts, Uncategorized |

Raising Teens in an “Almost Christian” World

When my kids were small, the brutal murder of a family two doors down caused
us to seek out a family counselor. We knew that Shannon, our two-year-old, wouldn’t
remember it, but we were concerned about the event’s effects on Brendan, who was six.
After several weeks of getting to know us, the counselor gave us her advice. I remember
being nervous as we entered her office, bracing myself to hear all the ways I was
already messing up my son with my best efforts at being a mother.

The counselor didn’t criticize us; instead, she gave us some strategies for
helping Brendan deal with anxiety. She advised us to let him work out his fears
through play. “Don’t sweat the action figures” she said, looking directly at me. “Play
between ‘good guys and bad guys’ is one way children come to terms with the fact that
evil exists in the world but it doesn’t have to win. Playing Power Rangers won’t turn him
into an ax murderer. It helps him feel like he has some mastery over a dangerous world
when he joins the Red and Green Rangers in defeating Lord Zedd.” Keep up the karate
lessons, she told us, and continue making home a safe and loving place. When he gets
anxious, take it seriously.

“Oh, and one more thing,” she said gently, knowing that I was a pastor. “You’ll have to
think about this, but you might consider laying off the religion.”

What is a pastor supposed to do when a family counselor’s advice for a child is to “lay
off the religion”? Kevin and I were intentionally trying to raise our children as Christians,
and we knew that transformative faith in Jesus Christ does not happen by osmosis. We
did what most Christian parents do: we read our kids Bible stories, prayed with them,
involved them in choir and Sunday school and worship. We made sure they understood
the religious meaning of holidays, and both our kids learned that, if you want to stay up
past bedtime, engage Mom in a religious discussion. She’ll forget all about what time it
is. Was this detrimental to our children? What does “laying off the religion” look like when
you desperately want your children to have the best source of joy in life that you know:
life-giving, liberating, self-giving faith in Jesus Christ?

At first, I was deeply offended by the counselor’s advice, thinking she was suggesting
that we were harming our children by raising them as Christians. After all, religious
people have committed horrific crimes while hiding under Christianity’s vestments.
From the crusades to genocide to a summer camp in Norway, the ease with which
humans use religion to justify violence illustrates how easily religious ideologies can be
manipulated for diabolical ends. The father who murdered his family in our neighborhood
on that awful night had ended the killing spree by dismantling the fire alarms, setting the
neighborhood on fire, and shot himself through the head while lying on a bed beside an
open Bible.

It is common for us to understand Christianity merely as a set of religious ideals, not
a life-giving identity. We Christian parents would probably say we trust Jesus, but our
lives often tell a different story. Look at our overscheduled calendars, our insatiable
consumerism, our relentless anxiety as a culture…we’re as vulnerable to these idols as
anybody else. Our kids know us for who we really are. One glance at our lives tells the
truth.

The most incontrovertible finding of the National Study of Youth and Religion (2004)
is that “we get what we are” with our children, in religion as in most things.[1] Faith is a
gift from God, not an ideology we can instill; getting kids to believe “in” Jesus is fine, but
in the end, it doesn’t change very much. Trusting Jesus, on the other hand—believing

Jesus, having confidence in God’s forgiveness and redemption and that Christ has made
the future a good and promising place to go—is a different way to live. Trust changes
things. Trust quells anxiety. Trust inspires hope. Trust alters how we live, allowing us
to live on God’s timeline instead of ours. If youth are to discover faith in Jesus Christ
through us, they are going to need to see us live out our trust in Him.

Of course, preparing a six-year-old for Christian faith includes telling him the stories
of faith and inviting him to participate in the broader Christian community as well. But
these are secondary. What Brendan really wanted at age six—and at age 16, and at
every age we confront a sinful, inexplicable world—was a God who could dispel anxiety
instead of contribute to it. He needed to see his parents living the Bible stories we read
at bedtime to interpret our family’s experience of the world, and to see us turn to the
church community to discern God’s movement amid the chaos of everyday life. Above
all, he needed to watch how, in good times and in bad, his parents trusted God with our
futures, and with his.

Lives lived in this reassurance are different than those drenched in anxiety. So it may
be that the very best thing that could happen to Christian parenting is that we “lay off the
religion”—which means, of course, that we must attend to faith, a life bound to Christ in
hope, trust, and love. You are doing that by using this parents’ guide, and by wrestling
with what it means to raise young people with consequential Christian faith. The fact that
you are doing this with other parents is significant; Christianity, like raising children, is a
shared endeavor. You will find in the pages that follow handy summaries, provocative
discussion starters, and a good deal of soul searching as we learn together ways to
approach young people more faithfully.

I wish I could say that we did everything right as we tried to raise our children in
Christian faith. We didn’t (and our kids will be the first to tell you that). But we didn’t do
everything wrong, either—and neither will you. The fact is that grace covers a multitude
of sins, including the ones parents visit on their children. In the end, our children belong

to God, not to us, which means their faith is in God’s hands, not ours. Our job is to help
our children recognize the gift of faith that God has given to them, and to offer ample
opportunities for living it out.

Raising Teens in an Almost Christian World by Dietrich Kirk of the Center for Youth
Ministry Training is a parents study guide to the National Study on Youth and Religion
and my book Almost Christian. This resource summarizes my response to the National
Study on Youth and Religion and offers readers a chance to reflect on how the church
and parents can address the findings of the study with their own children.

Raising Teenagers in an Almost Christian World is designed for small group studies,
classes, or parents at home. Lesson topics include:
• Becoming Christian-ish
• Faith that Bears Fruit
• Passing on the Faith
• Testify by Word and Action
• Transformation through Disorientation
• Hope for Tomorrow

Each lesson is followed with four practical resources to help parents address each
week’s topic in their own family in a variety of ways:
• Conversation Starters
• Tradition Builders
• Disorienting Dilemmas
• Experiencing Together

In a world where the church and parents are having a difficult time passing on the
Christian faith to young people, we pray this study will encourage families to embark
on journeys to know and love God. (FROM MY FOREWORD TO Raising Teens in
an “Almost Christian” World)

To order, go here:

Raising Teens in an Almost Christian World on Amazon.com.

Posted in Almost Christian, Family Ministry |

Thinking about Seminary?

Right about now, my inbox starts to fill up with inquiries about seminary.

Here’s what I usually tell people who are in the seminary discernment process. It’s true what they say: what you get out of seminary depends mostly on what you put into it. There are superb faculty—and superb students—in every seminary in the country. Discernment has more to do with fit.  Don’t narrow the field too quickly;  there are practical reasons, like GPA and finances, that must be considered mid-way through the process, but start by casting a wide net.  You never know when God might show up and part the waters.

Still discerning the next faithful step?  Here are some questions to find out if seminary is in your future.  Vaya con dios!

The Big Question:

Most ministry doesn’t require a theological degree, so ask yourself why you want to get one. In the end, there is one—and only one—good reason to go to seminary: because God won’t leave you alone until you do.

Preliminary Questions: (what to ask before you hunt for schools)

  • Is God calling me to a ministry that seminary will help prepare me for?
  • Do I want to be ordained? What are the ordination requirements specific to my tradition? Whose approval do I need to go seminary or start the ordination process?
  • What faith tradition do I represent? (Hint: Almost no one is theologically non-denominational;  we all have a perspective through we see Scripture, the church, how God acts in the world, etc. The sooner you own up to an “orienting theological tradition”–even if you want to move away from it–the easier seminary will be. You can always change your mind once you get there.)
  • Do I want to be formed with others from the same faith tradition (for instance, by going to a denominational seminary)? Or do I want to be formed alongside people from a variety of traditions?
  • With whom do I need/want credibility? (Pastors? Academics? Youth ministers? Mainlines? Evangelicals? People inside or outside the US? All of the above?) Different schools tend to have different “audiences” – which “audiences” do I want to serve?
  • Are there certain schools I should rule out for vocational or theological reasons? (For instance: Does this school prepare people like me for ordination? Does my denomination recognize this school as “legit”? Does the school have the academic program I need? Are there additional requirements if I go to a school outside my denomination? Does this school have a good reputation with the people who might want to hire me?)

How to Search for a School that “Fits”:

  • Go to the people you most admire in ministry. How did they get to be the kind of ministers they are? Where did they go to seminary?
  • Get your degree in a person, not a program. This is the single best advice anyone gave me about graduate school–and the further you go in graduate school, the more important it becomes. Find someone whose way of being in the world and looking at ministry resonate deeply with your soul–and then go study with them. Become a disciple of a disciple you want to emulate.
  • Visit the campus. You get more information out of one visit than a lifetime on the internet. (If the school has “prospective student weekends,” take advantage of them; the school will be on its best behavior, and you’ll learn a lot in a condensed period of time.)
  • Imagine yourself living in the school’s community. You have a life to live, and not just a degree to get. If you can’t envision your life in this place (the one you actually live, not the one you romanticize), cross the school off your list.
  • Talk to students who are already there. Faculty members won’t hide information from you, but students know more. What is the program like that you want to be in?  What do they wish they had known when they were applying? Who are their faculty mentors? What does campus life looks like for students like you (married, single, second career, straight out of college, etc.)? What churches in the area might you consider for worship or work? Do most students want to be pastors or something else (like what?)

Deal Breaker Questions to Ask Yourself:

  • Is the school’s theological vision compatible, but not identical, with mine? Will it stretch me—and am I willing to be stretched–beyond where I already am?
  • How will I be prepared for “the Church of Ten Years from Now”?
  • Can I imagine myself among the students I have met here? Do I want to be one of them? Do I want to take a long trip with them? Or do I feel like the odd relative at a family reunion?
  • How much debt will I incur? Will my family be able to breathe financially once I’m in ministry?
  • How much do I like school? What happens to my stomach when I think about being a student again? Do I get excited or am I bracing myself for “more school”? (Hint: If the latter…run away)
  • How easy is the “academic game” for me? (Hint: If you struggle with courses that involve lots of reading and writing, don’t sign up for the dual degree program or other extended courses of study)
  • Do I need a structured program of spiritual growth? Some schools provide lots of support in spiritual as well as academic formation, others leave spiritual formation up to the student. (Hint: If you’re looking for a setting where people sit around and talk about their feelings, go to camp, not seminary.)
  • Will I have support systems in place while I’m in seminary? (Hint: If not, wait to come to seminary until you do. Seminary is designed to challenge you more than support you.)
  • If I am married or in a serious relationship: Does my spouse/significant other think this school will be good for us? Will s/he be happy here? Is there a community for him/her to plug into? Can s/he pursue some of his or her own dreams while I’m in seminary? (Because if your spouse isn’t happy, nobody’s happy…)
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , ,

“ADVANCED MTD”: An Appreciative Response to John Meunier

John Meunier thinks outloud—and it’s really helpful.  He wonders what the best course of action is to shake congregations out of their life-sucking MTD stupor:  slow and steady teaching and discipleship, or some kind of ecclesial shock therapy?

After spending nearly a decade of my life immersed in the research that led to the term “moralistic therapeutic deism,” I still don’t know how to fix it short of divine intervention (which may be what God is going for).  In answer to John’s question, I’m inclined to say: “Both.”

But then I remember where I go, week after week, to draw life: a 37-member congregation, not counting the young adults who stop by for a month, or a year (or three or four) while they’re students.  You might call Kingston United Methodist Church a “raw” church, unprocessed and unpredictable.  The pastor is a PhD student who will be moving on in June.  The financials are, frankly, unsustainable. The century-old building has three creaky, leaky rooms and a really scary basement.

It’s the best church I’ve ever been part of.

Our family went “off-the-grid,” ecclesially-speaking, three and a half years ago, finding ourselves in a church that has been on the brink of closing for the past 132 years.  We came, frankly, because we were losing our kids (and–significantly–ourselves) to MTD in the large program church we had been attending.  People like me are supposed to change churches—not change churches—but as a parishioner, I kept waking up in the middle of the night, like Miss Clavell in the Madeleine stories, knowing that “something is not right.”  If our daughter was to have a faith home before she graduated (and both words in the phrase “faith home” mattered), we were running out of time.  An ocean liner can change course, but it does so slowly. So that’s how we wound up in a rowboat, a skiff that gets tossed around when the weather changes but can also change course pretty fast if you put your back into it.  And in a small congregation, if you’re going to get anywhere, you need every single person to row.

Since our pastor is one of my students, he is well aware of MTD (and is really sick of it).  He disagrees with significant parts of *Almost Christian*.  But he knows the debilitating “meh” of MTD, and while he has thankfully never uttered the phrase “MTD” in church, I give him props for never once caving to an easy portrayal of God, or to a simplistic vision of Christian community, or to a convenient faith.  He does this with humility and humor (two underrated pastoral assets), and allows the congregation to be complicated.  We lean “liberal” (whatever that means) on things like grace and homosexuality and “conservative” (whatever that means) on things like Jesus and potluck dinners (i.e., we want to conserve them).  “Doing church” is pretty straightforward:  the people gather, the Word is preached, the sacraments are administered, prayers are asked for, songs are sung–and then everybody goes home to feed some sheep.

And that, as it turns out, is huge.  “Feeding sheep” is what a missional imagination looks like in my congregation–and trust me, it had nothing to do with my book (which no one knows exists).  The congregation’s mission statement is “Feed More Sheep,” and every single person—the tall and the small—can say it.  For a year, every Sunday somebody shared how God had called them to “Feed More Sheep”:  parents and children, seminarians and octogenarians, newcomers and old-timers.

Were those testimonies theologically air-tight?  Not hardly. Sometimes I cringed. But most of the time, I was awestruck at what God was doing in the “then and there”… amazed by an unexpected servant who mustered up the guts to put into words how he or she tried to love Jesus by feeding his sheep.  Is there MTD at Kingston United Methodist Church?  Absolutely.  But it’s far less pronounced than in the “professional” churches I’ve known.  Or (let’s be honest) have helped lead.

MTD is pasteurized Christianity—pasteurized to the point that the nutrients have been cooked right out of it.  I wonder how a church like Kingston has avoided boiling down Jesus, since it’s surely not the result of any intentional plan?  Is the congregation’s unpolished profile, that tends to discourage processed professionalism?  Or is it the leadership of student pastors who have not yet been jaded by mileage, and come with their idealism in full bloom?  Is it the uncluttered nearness of God embodied by the sheer proxemics of tiny sanctuary and a preacher who looks you in the eye?  Or is it practices that invite people to talk about being Christian in terms that aren’t borrowed from our moralistic, therapeutic culture? If you asked them, people at Kingston wouldn’t tell you that being a Christian means being nice or feeling comfortable.  They would tell you it means feeding more sheep.

Still wondering…

Posted in Conversation, Random Thoughts |

As Annual Conference Season Comes into View…

I’ll be presenting at several annual conferences again this spring, including my own (Baltimore Washington Annual Conference).  Here is a podcast they posted to get people thinking before it all starts!

http://www.bwcumc.org/resources/podcasts/almostchristian

Posted in Almost Christian |

YOUTH WORKERS WEIGH IN: Podcasting “The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry”

As you might know, the book The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry (by Andy Root and me) hit Amazon earlier this fall. Since then, I’ve been to several conferences where the “theological turn” has been noted and discussed–so while Andy may have coined the term, it’s clear that he and I are not the only people noticing it.

Still, the observation is a little bit slippery: What does it mean that youth ministry is “theological”? What does it mean that youth ministry has “turned” in this direction? Who is turning it? Why does it matter?

In order to get some conversation going with people in on-the-ground ministries, Andy started a Tuesday radio/podcast series in which youth workers discuss various chapters of the book with us. The idea is to expand the conversation to youth workers who are noticing a “theological turn” in their own experiences of ministry with young people. I’ll be posting the links to the podcasts, but just so you can catch up, the first two are to your right (you can also find them on www.youthspecialties.com).

Posted in The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry | Tagged , , ,

The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry

Videos Produced by Andy Root (who wrote the ending all by himself…)

Last week, while attempting to get from Amsterdam to New Jersey, Andy Root and I shot these videos for InterVarsity Press as a entree into our upcoming book, The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry.  Okay, so we waited till the day I was leaving the conference to do this (note to self:  bad idea.) The idea was to address some questions raised in the book…but we got a little derailed because I lost my passport on the way to the airport (the US Consulate thought it was stolen).  The drama, the suspense, the unforgettable dialogue…well, it’s all here if you watch them all in order. (Or maybe not). Either way, you learn a little about some of the issues that gave rise to the book… Enjoy!  

Click here for video #1, “What is the theological turn in youth minstry?”

Click here for video #2, “Why make a theological turn in youth ministry?”

Click here for video #3, “What’s the big ‘take-away’ from The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry?”

Click here for video #4, “What if your pastor isn’t into the theological turn?”

If you want to pre-order The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry at Amazon, click here!

Posted in The Theological Turn in Youth Ministry |

South Africa Preview Video

Here’s a conversation between me and Deon Kitching on family ministry, in preparation for the Youth Ministry Winter School that I’ll be doing with Andrew Root in South Africa this April, 2012.  
 
Click here for the video and Winter School information. 
 
[Just to be clear, the Winter School offers conferences in August 2011 and April 2012.  I'll be at the one in April 2012.  Registration for this August is now open.  Registration for April 2012 will open sometime after the August events.]
Posted in Announcements, Family Ministry |

Top 20 Youth Ministry Blogs of 2011

I’m honored to announce the placement of this blog on Youth Specialties’ list of Top 20 Youth Ministry Blogs for 2011.  You can read about it here.

Posted in Announcements |

Conversation with Andrew Root

Here’s a link to a conversation I had with Andy Root related to Sparkhouse’s re:form curriculum.  Enjoy!

Listen to the conversation here.

Posted in Conversation |